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Friday, January 18, 2008

Searching for Bobby Fischer (1943-2008)

Chess master Fischer
Mr. International
Dead at 64.

Anyhow, if you remember the book and/or the movie Searching for Bobby Fischer (I don't), apparently it had something to do with someone considered the next Bobby Fischer...like how Hilary Swank succeeded Ralph Macchio as The Next Karate Kid. Classy.

But if you're literally searching for Mr. Fischer, you'll have to go old school for this adventure. Do I hear epic adventure? Here's how:

1. Go to the banks of the River Styx. You might try one of the following Stygian rivers:

But you will not be successful. Try the Acheron River in northwest Greece. Keep walking until you find some poor (literally poor) wandering shades unable to pay the Ferryman.


2. Choose a Ferryman. Most people expect to ride with Charon (the one on the far left), but he's much too expensive for most people. On the plus side, Charon serves Louis XIII cognac on his boat.

If you want to save some money, you're going to have to settle for Phlegyas' boat. It's like coach class, but it'll take you from point A to point B.

3. Avoid any all all three-, two-, or one-headed hellhounds, especially the one named Cerebus. Or at least take the Dog Whisperer Cesar Millan along as a traveling buddy...and as a decoy.

4. Once you reach Hades...well, there are a whole lot of places to look and a whole lot of residents to potentially piss off. So you're on your own. Why are we searching for Bobby Fischer again? Anyhow, this map might help:

5. Good luck. Well this shaggy dog story went nowhere...

Bobby Fischer photo credit: Chris Lott. Acheron River photo credit: Samuli Lintula. Michelangelo's rendition of Charon in The Last Judgment photo credit: Ghirlandajo. Phlegias with Dante and Virgil, stained glass in Museo Poldi Pezzoli in Milan photo credit: G. Dallorto.
Underworld map credit: Virgil.org.

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