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Sunday, July 15, 2007

I don't want to write a blog

Blog implies "B-list." Alog, on the other hand, that's top-shelf posting! For example, Diblog really only means two blogs or wanting the one you just read to meet a horrible fate. DiAlog, on the other hand, is very useful in writing fiction, screenplays, et cetera or being specific about how you want someone to die. (Mr. Peach in the swamp with Alog.) Blogging sounds like something you do after you've ingested a fifth of vodka in half an hour. Or the act of frogs mating. Or verbiage used by some sort of sci-fi alien, most likely from Star Trek.
Clog, meanwhile can either be what happens to the toilet when you do too much post-vodka blogging, or could be a way of pointing out a local log to a friend (C? log!).
Dlog would then be back to the Klingon language or ebonics when pointing out "the log."
Elog is merely the prefix to Elogate, which is what a hooker with a cold would like you to do to get the business transaction started.
Flog. Well, that's the best way to continue said interaction with hooker, in my opinion.
Glog: another name for "glug" - a fantastic Christmassy drink made with port wine, lots of cinnamon and cloves, and brandy. (I'm not kidding.)
Hlog....... moving on.
Ilog - it's how I get into my account settings on line - though I have to add the word "on."
Jlog - the common name for a Scandinavian second son of a second son.
Klog - again, Sacndinavian - here implying things to wear on your feet or abovementioned toilet post vodka or (as we have recently learned) glog.
Llog - A stuttering woodsman chopping down trees.
Mlog - Elizabethan custom for greeting a bit of wood i.e. "Good even, m'log: wouldst though like to be set ablaze?"
Nlog: short for "and log" or a small sprite that infests the old table tennis boards in your grandparent's basement.
Plog: to kill somone by firing jello from a gun.
Olog - the beginning of a sonnet to wood. (yes, I'm mixing up my alphabet - shut up.)
Qlog - I'm baffled by this one but if you figure it out, lemme know cause it'll help me ROCK at Scrabble.
Rlog - when finished with "-ate," it's what I do with my job at Mutiny Universe to make sure I don't have to do most of the work.
Slog: come on, folks - we've all done this one: Winter. Snow. Getting home in the slush. Slogging. Pick up the pieces, here, people!
Tlog and Vlog are brothers. The end.
Ulog: it's what YOU do on your computer.
Wlog. My imagination only goes so far, kids.
Xlog: My list of favorite porn sites on the internet.
Ylog: Y not?
Zlog: French for "the log."

Can I please have back the last ten minutes of my life? I promise to give you people half.

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